We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize