just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My vagina just recognized that song.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
