if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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