??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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