Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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