i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
