he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
