Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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