I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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