suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize