Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
