Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize