it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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