She is in my trunk
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
