I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
