ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
