you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
