I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
