i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
