Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
