I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
