I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
