Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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