You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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