Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
