how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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