So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hippo gnu deer
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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