Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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