If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I will be naked everywhere
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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