Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
