I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
