Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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