There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
