he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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