those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
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