Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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