The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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