Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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