I need to stop coming to work sober
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize