the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
