dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
