Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
