worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
