Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
