somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my phone needs a breathalizer
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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