The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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