K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you will always have a special place in my vag
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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