One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
