His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
