oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
