I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Randomize
