Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
