i wish starbucks made bloody marys
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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