I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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