I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
