Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
