Well douche your snatch and let's go!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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