no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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